After years of marriage and nearly grown kids, you remember the great moments on special occasions like Mother’s Day…but you also remember the doozies you could hit your husband over the head for time and time again. So, to help the young fathers out there who are maybe new to this thing called fatherhood, I will share the “Top 10 Don’t Even Think About It” things you should make sure to never replicate (unless you don’t want more children and would welcome that kick in the balls from your soon to be ex-wife!)

10. Never go to Hallmark and buy a frame and a teddy bear for your wife on Mother’s Day and claim to have given the gift some thought

9. Make sure you know your wife’s size – and if she’s in the middle of two sizes, always buy the smaller one (that is certainly a mistake she will be happy to forgive!).

8. If the deal is to make breakfast in bed for her once a year, make sure there’s something in the refrigerator that you can actually make. Leftovers for breakfast won’t cut it.

7. Going to the stores the day before and buying whatever you can find that looks good enough is not good enough.

6. Restaurants fill up weeks in advance – because there are actually people out there who KNOW Mother’s Day takes place every year in May – if you’re going to go out to brunch, don’t wait until the week of to make a reservation.


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5. Mother’s Day is not the perfect day to invite your wife to go play golf with you so that you can spend the day together

4. If your wife/girlfriend is pregnant for the first time, give her something for Mother’s Day. You may not feel like a father yet, but she certainly has been feeling that baby, may have been sick and uncomfortable throughout and is ready to get excited by celebrating the pending birth. Whatever you do, don’t let the day go by without telling her how excited you are to become a dad yourself! (even if the thought has been freaking you out)

3. The number of presents she opens should be equivalent to the number of kids she has. No matter how big or how small – purchased or made – make sure each child has a present and a card for their mother. Sharing is what you teach your kids on other days- try Father’s Day perhaps?

2. Presents are great, but the bottom line is that every woman wants to feel pampered on Mother’s Day. A massage (by you or at a spa), nice meal, and relaxation. Unless your wife and mother are best friends (and chances are they really aren’t THAT close!), spending the day with her mother in law at the spa may not be the idea she had in mind…

1. If she’s a feminist, she believes in gender equality on every day but Mother’s Day. This day, it’s all about her. Make sure it’s a good one cause if not, chances are you’ll pay for it (in one way or another) until the next Mother’s Day. Let me do the math for you: that means…for an entire year.