There are a bunch of different types of liquor out there and they all viewed differently. Whisky puts hair on your chest. Brandy makes you classy. Gin makes you classy, and a little bit British. Vodka keeps you from getting all jiggly around the middle. And Tequila?
Well, tequila gets you f&#ked up. Right?
Tequila has, for a long time, been battling the long held belief that it is nothing more than concentrated evil. People think tequila and their mind jumps to dancing with a lampshade on their head or puking in the back of a bus.
But in reality, tequila is nothing of the sort. Here are some fun facts that will totally change your opinions about tequila.
Tequila has a reputation
Some people see this as a unilaterally bad thing that needs to be corrected. If you’re like me, then you understand that there is something to be said for maintaining the appearance of a bad ass. And to all the dummies out there who don’t know better, seeing you order a tequila straight up is a sign that this dude is not to be fucked with, because he is a monster.
I mean, you could tell him that it is the lowest calorie alcoholic beverage on any menu (which is true), or you could let him think that you chew glass and punch through brick walls. Up to you.
Real Tequila is 100% Agave – Meaning Zero Carbs
Most liquor, like Whisky, Vodka, and Gin, are grain alcohol. That means the sugars in them that become alcohol derived from carbohydrates. Tequila, on the other hand, uses agave, which is a plant more akin to aloe. So when your body processes the alcohol, the booze turns back into the sugars it derived from. So with vodka or whisky, you are left with a belly full of barley. Tequila, on the other hand, turns back into agave. And if recent studies are correct, not only is agave syrup zero carbs, but it can actually stimulate weight loss and help patients with type-2 diabetes regulate their blood sugar.
There Are Degrees of Tequila Quality
For most liquor, there is a range of quality, spanning from bottom shelf, jar-full-of-piss, undrinkable swill, up to $400 a bottle, you-don’t-drink-this, nectar of the gods. But with tequila, it’s a little different. There are three main types of tequila – Blanco, Reposado, and Añejo.
Blanco is the clear tequila (hence blanco). It is unaged and therefore the least colorful of all the tequilas. And, despite what people think when they look at the bottles, it is actually has the most bite, albeit without as much “flavor.”
Reposado is the first stage in the barrel aging process. It gains a little bit of color this way, but still maintains some of the heat that comes from being a newer spirit.
Añejo is the final stage. These aged spirits have been left to soak up all the flavors of the cask they were sitting in, as well as for the initial harshness of the unrefined spirit to mellow out, creating a terrific sipping beverage. Not to be put in a margarita.
You will also find different names, such as “plata” which could equate to blanco, or oro which could mean reposado. However, more often than not, oro is a term used to describe Tequila Mixto, which is not 100% agave, has additives and colors added, and is a guaranteed hangover.
Women Who Like Tequila Are Badass
Any woman I know who drinks tequila regularly is an unparalleled boss. Not calling them tough or rowdy, but they are definitely more fun to hang out with than someone who drinks half a bottle of pinot grigio and passes out at eleven.
And they’re out there. In any bar, you will likely find a strong, independent woman sitting next to a graveyard of shot glasses and lime rinds. Buy her a drink. Because she is fucking awesome.
I am not saying “buy her a drink” in a “buy her a drink and you might get laid” kind of way, either. I mean, you might, but really this is more of a “buy her a drink and hear about the time she went base jumping with Vin Diesel” situation. You know you need that in your life.
And if that is not enough of a reason to start drinking tequila, then I don’t know what to say, other than enjoy taking the road most traveled. Robert Frost would have hated you.